Elcorazonroto
Today I went to Subway.

There were these 12 year old boys hanging around. As I got my food and left they were all checking me out like little prepubescent lemurs and one of them said “Can I get your number?” And I turned around and said “Why, you need a babysitter?”

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firequeensrules:

jerkofficial:

HE’S DOING A WATER PULSE OMG HE’S A POKEMON

Waterbending

firequeensrules:

jerkofficial:

HE’S DOING A WATER PULSE OMG HE’S A POKEMON

Waterbending

tortillas:

wartortles:

but what happened in 2012

puberty hit him so hard he got knocked out for a whole year

tortillas:

wartortles:

but what happened in 2012

puberty hit him so hard he got knocked out for a whole year

neptunain:

christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”

lovelorn-xo:

castielsteenwolf:

so my family plays this game where if someone is holding something and you yell “drop the bass” they have to drop what they’re holding so my mom was holding a carton of eggs so i yelled it and she looked me dead in the eye, dropped then eggs on the floor and whispered “you’ve gone too far

adopt me

I’ll just watch one
Episode
Epison
Epason
Eason
Season

oasisofserenities:

churchvan:

if your boyfriend doesn’t worship your butt then he’s a lame and i’m very sorry you have to deal with that

Reblogging again cause my butt is nice

sebastian-cock:

My talents include being able to identify every one of the 5000 songs on my iPod by the first chord and eating more than the rest of my family combined

live-as-a-teen:

dogepom:

patickstump:

if you shame girls about their breast size i will push you into traffic

"Who’s flat now?"

whos flat now

nebulasnovasandnightsky:

look if you unironically say ‘money can’t buy happiness’ then either you’ve never faced a real financial struggle or you’ve achieved enlightenment, because goddamn does financial security feel an awful lot like happiness when it’s something you’re not used to

You think ‘Okay, I get it, I’m prepared for the worst’, but you hold out that small hope, see, and that’s what fucks you up. That’s what kills you.
Stephen King, “Joyland” (via modernmethadone)

chariczard:

A moment of silence for those who have unfollowed me

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dollsofbeauty:

This 🙌

dollsofbeauty:

This 🙌